Today I was not scheduled to work. I took the day and finished my briefs for my internship. I was really waiting to see if my friends let me down again, they have been bugging me consistently to hang out but I am slowly losing my faith in them because of a consistent string of events.

This is the kind of friend that is always playing one up with me, and consistently taking money or expecting a lot of things for free. She’s got a boyfriend that doesn’t really try to ask about things or really get along with her friends.

I’ve been putting off the fact that I really don’t want to go to the anime convention Otakon with her because I feel like she didn’t fully tell me the truth of where the money I gave her went. I feel like she blew the cash and lied about it.

I’m kinda tired of being treated as the last person that if she wants to hang out and I’m available she’ll hang out with me, but when she’s busy I’m not good enough to take a second of her time. If I wanted attitude I would have asked for her to be a bitch I didn’t though.

I sat and watched GoSick by myself and wasted a day that I could have hung out with my fellow Sekaiichi Hatsukoi fan.

I’m starting to think that the majority of my friends are not reliable. My star wars geek that had invited me to a Halloween party disappointed me, as well as my sailor moon chick that had also invited me to a different Halloween party. My bestie couldn’t watch his wording so instead of being able to go visit him “at any time” it later became a “come in August”, which I was unable to do since I had planned my classes to free up my September. This came with questions of was I not ‘up to par’ to hang out because I don’t drink? Which lead to my self confidence caving in because wasn’t this what we always talked about hating? And then you let me down like the rest? I guess that’s why you’ll never make real plans to actually visit or go to an anime convention, cause why pretend to think it’s a great plan when you know you’re going to let me go alone. Communication is the key but lately we can’t even do that cause how can we?

So it came to this because I feel like at this point I can’t talk to anyone other than my Tori, Jason, and Jeremy. I can’t trust that what I feel will be taken with understanding so I just feel like I can’t reply talk to any of them about it. The worst that will happen is I’ll end up alone but at this time I feel’ like all I’ve got is my studies, my books, my DVDs, and my technology.

Maybe I’ll get to meet someone that won’t let me down eventually.