Lately I’ve been feeling like a bother. I imagine that if I has somehow cooler, more hip, more social, I’d somehow be less of a bother. I’m not really sure why everyone is fascinated with you, but I’m sure that you’d look in the mirror and not be able to see the positives I see in you. Though the negatives seem to be all your looking for right now. I’m a lazy friend, I’m not skinny, I don’t have a boyfriend, I mean do these things really make the person? I mean I haven’t had a love interest since 2004. I’m not a size 0, and I almost always end up in one-sided friendships. It doesn’t matter how much of me I give, its not going to change. 

By asking you to go places or planning trips with you I feel like I’m being a bother. But I can’t say that I know these things will never happen because then it looks like I’m being inconsiderate to your feelings. In reality I feel as though if I were your ideal man it wouldn’t be like this. Maybe the maybes wouldn’t happen so much. So I’ve stopped asking to save us the trouble. 

So I stand myself up and prepare for the blow, and knowing my armor isn’t going to as strong as the last attack or the attack before that, you break me into more and more pieces, until I’m no more.